wwe sucks

Once upon a time the WWE kept me glued to my television screen. Missing an episode of Raw was considered a heinous crime. In 1999 I skipped my grade school graduation ceremony to attend a house show.

Nowadays, I can stomach about two minutes of the WWE before I am bored out of my mind or literally embarrassed. Is it terrible booking or did I simply outgrow it? Here’s 10 reasons why I think modern WWE sucks.

10. WWE Sucks Because of Over-Saturation

wwe ppvs 2017

I’m old enough to remember when Raw was one hour. Early in ’97 when they shifted to two hours, it was a game changer… and even with an entire two hours, they still managed to leave you hanging at the end. I remember the wait for Raw every week was agonizing… you couldn’t wait to see what was going to happen next.

Now Raw is three hours and there’s an additional two hours of programming the following night on SmackDown. And there’s so many Pay Per Views that I feel like they’re happening every 3-4 weeks… oh that’s right, because they are. It’s too much wrestling. NFL, MLB, NBA and NHL playoffs are exciting because they happen over the course of a few weeks, once a year.

The WWE sucks because there’s not enough wait-time to build compelling storylines.

9. WWE Sucks Because It’s Too Glossy

kim kardashian wwe

WWE reminds me of those annoying, insecure attention whores who constantly need to talk about how successful they are. The company is constantly plugging their social media numbers, and trying to cross over into celebrity culture. It comes off like they desperately want the mainstream appeal of the NFL or MLB… except it’s dudes fake fighting so it will never truly be a “cool thing” to like. And that’s okay, just fucking embrace it.

The WWE sucks because it’s desperately trying to cling to celeb hype, social media buzz, and mainstream appeal rather than embracing itself for the wackiness that it really is.

8. WWE Sucks Because of Cringe-Worthy / Overly Scripted Promos

Every time I try to watch modern WWE, I last about 2-3 minutes before I’m checking my email on my phone or scrolling through my Instagram feed. Part of this is the god awful, cringe-worthy promos. It’s well documented that modern WWE superstars are given a very short leash as far as creative freedom on the mic – and it completely neuters the promo. Modern promos are rarely convincing and usually completely counterproductive – instead of suspending my disbelief while watching, I find myself thinking “holy shit, what terrible acting.” It’s basically the exact opposite of how promos use to be:

Part of this is surely to blame on the WWE front office having a short leash, but at the same time, grow a pair of balls and get yourself over. Look at The Rock and Stone Cold – if these guys were reading from a script they never would have soared to the heights they reached. Now one of them is a bonafide movie star and the other is looked at as a guy who single handedly saved the WWE from going out of business.

The WWE sucks because I’m no longer lost in the spectacle when I watch – unlike a great film, WWE promos remind me that what I’m watching is not real.

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7. WWE Sucks Because There’s Too Many Matches / Not Enough Story Telling

Yeah, yeah, I get it, it’s “wrestling” so I’m an idiot for not appreciating the amount of matches that now take place, and the high level of talent that exists in the WWE today. I’m probably in the minority here, but the thing that always drew me to wrestling was never really about the actual wrestling. It was the story telling. It was the drama. It was not knowing what’s going to happen next…

And I’m not just talking about the Attitude-era, look back to the mid 90s with the Bret/Owen brother versus brother feud… or go back to the 80s when the Mega Powers were exploding due to a true to life maniac Randy Savage suspecting that his tag partner was getting a bit too comfortable with his girl. Or when Jake the Snake was putting an actual fucking cobra on his opponents!

Compelling drama at it’s finest

The WWE sucks because the male soap opera factor is no longer present. Why watch dudes pretend fighting in their underwear, when I could watch them actually fight in UFC?

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6. WWE Sucks Because the Undercard is Meaningless and the Booking is Boring

The 80s and some of the 90s were a special time for the WWF because, with some exceptions, the entire roster mattered. Meaningful feuds weren’t limited to the upper carders. Going back to the 80s, look at guys like Rick Rude and Jake the Snake – they were never main eventers but we still look back on their careers with great fondness – their characters were over, and they were involved in memorable storylines. Today’s WWE roster seems like a few main event guys, and a bunch of other guys that don’t really matter.

Is it lack of talent? Is it bad booking? I tend to lean toward the latter.

The WWE sucks because the undercard is given little opportunity to shine.

dolph ziggler

5. WWE Sucks Because of Terrible Commentators

It’s difficult to imagine the Attitude era without J.R. and King at the helm. Or the mid to late 80s programming without Gorilla, Bobby Heenan, and Jesse Ventura. They were selling the in ring product, not network subscriptions. Live commentary is such a crucial part of the action and when done properly will get the viewer even more emotionally invested in what they’re watching.

Every time I hear Michael Cole phone-in Roman Reigns as “The Big Dog!!” I puke in my mouth a little. It’s so laughably scripted and uninspired it completely takes me out of the action. This isn’t entirely the fault of the commentary crew – let us not forget about that leaked memo back in 2015 – if you haven’t looked at this, I promise it’s a doozy. Spoiler: Vince McMahon doesn’t want the commentators to say “pro wrestling”.

The WWE sucks because the live commentary is awful and does nothing to excite the viewer.

j.r. jim ross the king jerry lawlerCommentators who knew how to sell the action, not network subscriptions

4. WWE Sucks Because There’s No God Damn Competition

Back in the territory days, and especially more prevalently in the 90s, Vince McMahon hadn’t yet nailed down a monopoly stranglehold on the competition. Healthy competition meant that there was a reason to try new things and push boundaries, especially during the Monday Night Wars when WWF and WCW were competing for ratings / marketshare.

The WWE sucks because they’re the only game in town i.e. with no competition the writing and storylines come across as uninspired, routine, boring, lifeless, insert any other appropriate adjective here.

3. WWE Sucks Because the Crowd is Dead

Aside from the occasional pops for big moments, the audience seems bored… I can’t really blame them when the product is dull and boring the majority of the time, but man, it’s sad to watch. I remember as kids my brother and I would sneak down toward the aisle at house shows and desperately try to high five the stars as they came down the aisle. You just don’t see this anymore.

bret hart wwf champion

Maybe the crowd has grown up? Maybe I’m just a dork who notices.

The WWE sucks because 90% of the time the rowdiness of the crowd is non-existent.

2. WWE Sucks Because Modern WWE Fans Are Morons

Okay that is harsh (and isn’t necessarily the fault of the WWE), but white-trash, tribal tat, Mountain Dew-drinking stereotypes aside, I can’t even fathom how a group like The New Day got so over… dudes dressed like unicorns with awful promos – that’s what we’re getting excited about?

I am definitely not a proponent of wrestling needing to be taken too seriously, but this shit is straight up embarrassing. Almost as bad as indie wrestler Joey Ryan and his “dick spot“… almost. Okay not even close. Perhaps the shift to the PG-era means the writing is on the wall and this is a kids product and not something a functioning adult should be watching, let alone critiquing.

The WWE sucks because the fans cheer for terrible segments.

1. Maybe the WWE Doesn’t Suck and I Simply Grew Up?

Okay lets be fair for a minute. Maybe “it’s not you it’s me” needs to be applied with my (lack of) relationship with modern wrestling. I was a huge fan during the Attitude era, but as I got into high school in the early 00s, wrestling just sort of wore off for me. I can’t pinpoint an exact moment, the only thing I can attribute it to is getting older and caring more about things like pro football and girls.

So maybe it’s not the product that let me down, maybe I just moved on? Maybe saying the WWE sucks isn’t fair? Yet why am I blogging about wrestling? Why do I pay as much for the WWE Network as I do Netflix every single month? I guess Vinnie Mac is getting the last laugh because even though I can’t watch more than five minutes of modern wrestling, the nostalgia factor is very real.

How do you feel about the current WWE product? Am I simply too old and cranky to appreciate it? Sound off in the comments section below.